A Concept of Apathy

Chapter 2

“Who am I to critique the world, when I can hardly even fix myself?”

– Quote from the first speech of the ruler of Omorea, Queen Drossa

“And who rules the part of the country we are currently in?” Mister Reclamation asked.
“Dutch Green-Eire.”
“Right as always, Young Master.” Mister Reclamation looked pleased, but it was hard to tell with his evershifting face. “Now, I was asked to send you to your father after you finished your studies for the day. I believe he should be in his study right now.”
“Yes sir.” I said, standing up. Tomorrow I would be seven, and I knew what that meant. I stretched, and walked out. Like a second shadow Madam Lie fell into step beside me. She looked much different, although that was evidently just my perception. Her form was a lie, and because I thought she was human she appeared like that, but the more I understood she was not human the more she became… smoke and mirrors.
“Are you excited Young Master?”
“About what?” I asked, feigning ignorance. I knew it wouldn’t work, but she always did seem pleased when I tried to deceive her or lie to her. She liked to play along, and so she did.
“On the marrow you gain magic. Are you not excited?”
“Yes, I suppose I am.”
“Why do you sound surprised, Young Master?” I’m not even sure I know, I thought to myself, but said nothing. We were at my fathers study, and I knocked. I heard something hit the floor and then the light steps of my father came over to let me in.
“Ah, come in, come in.” He said, waving me in, then turned to Madam Lie. “Could you finish the…” He did not finish his sentence, gesturing.
“Yes Lord.” Madam Lie said, and I heard her walk away. My father meanwhile turned to me and gestured for me to sit. My father sat behind his desk, but he had another comfortable arm chair in the room. I could not tell you the amount of times I had fallen asleep at it while reading.
“I know you have taken tomes.” My father began, an ever present smile shining down at me.
“Yes.” I admitted. He looked proud for an instant, but it was a quick thing as the smile took the president in his face.
“Good, that will make this easier.” He sighed, before meeting my eyes. His smile was gone, and all I saw was a blank mask.
“You will awaken on the marrow. I know you have read the term, but it is a… complicated thing. It is not the same for everyone, but I can tell you what we do know. You will be asleep, and then you will wake up in a dream. It will not be easy, nor pleasant.” He paused, giving me a moment to say something if I so wished. I did not take it so he continued. “Whatever it is, know this, you cannot die. To gain magic, you must finish the trial. Truly son, I believe you can do this.”
He sighed, and then bent over grabbing something I could not see on the floor due to the desk being in the way. He stood back up, holding what looked to be a blade without a handle or pommel or even a crossguard. He never touched it, instead holding it with a pale green handkerchief.
“Now, I do want to show you something before you awaken. We will be summoning you one more tutor, as you are to learn to fight with a weapon as well. I do not care which one, but I do require it to be something you can use at close range.” He started towards the door, and I scrambled to get up and follow him.
We walked out of the house, and walked to the nearby stable hand to barrow the same horse my father used every day to get to work. He put me on the beast who seemed remarkably calm to me and got on behind me. We started to ride into the town, and I wondered where Kaeo lived. She often came over to play, but I still did not know where she lived.
It was about a fourth of the town away where we got off the horse and passed it to a different stable hand. This town was on the large side of small, which from what I understood is why my father chose it. We walked over to what could best be described as a wizard tower. It stretched seven stories tall, made of stone with pointed roofs of blue painted wood. It had small windows pointing off in odd directions, and two branch towers, one splitting off about halfway up and the other about two thirds of the way up.
My father had not said a word, and although he smiled while we were in town he stopped when he closed the door behind himself. I sometimes wondered how much of my father was a fake he put out into the world. We went up to the third floor, and my father turned to me before letting me in.
“You need to promise me that no matter what happens you will remain quiet, and that you will not move outside of the circle where I put you.” He looked made of stone in that instance, and so I made my promise.
The third floor turned out to be a mostly bare room. A circle like every other room here, and a large one at that. In the middle of the room there was a giant circle drawn. Some of the drawings looked made of chalk, whereas others looked like blood and some sap. It looked chaotic, but looking at it from a whole it seemed to make a gradient of brighter colors towards the edge and more muted colors in the center.
I was put in a smaller circle that was made of some sort of crushed purple rock, and told to wait. My father in the meantime took off his cloak and hung it by the door, putting on a different cloak that was hung next to it. This one was hard for me to look at for too long, like staring at a bright light. Its after image stuck around in my vision, but it seemed grey and like it was constantly spiraling inwards on itself.
My father then took the blade with nothing else and set it into the center of the circle of many colors. He shrugged, rolling his shoulders, then went to stand at the outer edge of the circle. There he made another circle out of what looked like silver. He made a single thick line connecting that circle which he now stood into the bigger circle, then he set his hand on nothing.
Well, perhaps not nothing as his hand seemed to be pressed against an invisible cylinder that was lining up with the most recently drawn circle. He said no words, only set his stance and then the room began to glow. Each different material began to glow its own color, and slowly they began to move. The circle constricted on itself being pulled into the blade, and the silver circle my father made was slowly deconstructed to keep the line of silver connected to the blade.
I could not tell you how long I watched this happen, but eventually there was only an idea of a circle around my father who looked perfectly calm. He held a single piece of paper that I had not seen him grab, and in the center of the room stood a construct made of only angles and lines. Its arms were closer to blades, and its feet were as well but it did not score the ground. Instead, it began to advance on my father.
“Binder.” The thing hissed, the sound itself sounding sharp. It felt like my father should have responded, but he did not. Instead he merely stood there, looking deeply unimpressed at the creature. “You know the game then.” Even though I could not see the thing’s face I knew it was smiling. “Very well. I am The Motion of A Sharpened Instrument.”
“The Motion of A Sharpened Instrument, it is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Karios Duewoe, Binder.”
“So you do know the game.” The thing chuckled. “Then fine, let me see.”
My father wordlessly passed the paper through the invisible circle that I still knew was there, and the creature took it. It read it, then he laughed.
“Very well Binder. I accept.”
“I am glad to hear that Mister Sharp. You will be training my boy there.” He stepped out of the invisible circle and over to me, then bent down to the floor and blew away the purple dust. “You can speak now, and move.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Young Master.” Mister Sharp said with a bow and a smile made of razor sharp needles.
“You as well. You will teach me how to use weapons?” I asked, and the thing seemed pleased.
“Yes, as long as it has a sharp side to use.”
I guess that slightly limited my options, but I was pretty sure I knew what I wanted to use. I took a deep breath, and looked over to where my father was. He had changed his cloak back and gave me a reassuring smile.
“Mister Sharp, I wish to learn how to use a spear.”

***

I woke up to the sound of giggling on the other side of my door. Today should be my birthday, so tonight when I fell asleep something would supposedly happen. On the flip side, someone was giggling on the other side of my door. And I knew that giggle, it was Kaeo’s. I sighed, got up and got dressed. I opened my door, and almost got hit in the face by Kaeo as it looked like she was about to start knocking.
She stopped right before her fist ran into my face, letting it drop to her side. Madam Lie stood next to her, and offered me a soft smile. I found her looking at the golden needle I had not once forgotten to wear since she gifted it to me. Kaeo bounced up and down, looking excited. I would be doing this for her on the marrow, as we almost shared a birthday.
“Happy birthday sleepy head!” She bubbly said. “I have something for you!”
“Now Kaeo, what did we talk about?” Madam Lie gently scolded.
“Sylin, would you grant me an honor?” She asked, rolling her eyes.
“Of course.” I said, offering her a smile. Her hand rushed from her side, and held something out. I held my open palm before her, and in it found a small ring. It looked like a small wooden snake, eating its own tail. An oroboros then.
“Thank you very much.” I said.
“You’re welcome!”
“Now, do you want to tell me what you were giggling about?”
She gave me a sly look, then said “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“Or I wouldn’t be asking.”
She rolled her eyes, and fell into step beside me as we walked down to the kitchen. There, my parents waited along with Mister Reclamation and Mister Sharp. We ate breakfast, which was slow as we talked. Some time after we finished breakfast we wandered outside. Kaeo and I were running around, but I heard my name called. Mister Sharp was sitting on the stone steps up the house, a long parcel wrapped in cloth next to him. He beckoned me over, and I approached with a wary Kaeo next to me. She had never taken well to Mister Sharp, for a reason I did not know.
He patted a spot next to him which sounded like a knife tapping on a stone. I sat down, with him to my left and Kaeo to my right. Carefully, almost reverently, he passed me the long parcel. He smiled at me, and I undid the bindings holding the cloth. What I found inside was a spear. The shaft was made out of what looked like thousands of miniature needles, but it felt smooth to the touch. The tip of the spear was a brilliant silver, and I had to rotate the spear so the sun would stop shining into my face.
“This looks amazing. Thank you, truly Mister Sharp.” I said, standing up to inspect the weapon.
“You are welcome, child.” He leaned forwards, flicking the spear. “It will grow with you, and will always be sharp.” As he flicked it, the spear sang like a crystal glass being tapped with silverware. “There is also a secret, would you like to know it?” He spoke normally while saying this, only leaning forwards, an amused glint to his eyes.
“Sure, why not?”
“You see, the spear has a problem over the sword. It is unwieldy, hard to carry around with you everywhere. A sword, at least most of the common carries, is made to be carried around.”
“I was aware of that.”
“Oh, but that wasn’t the secret. The secret is that that spear has a trick. It is bound to you to some degree, and it will want to help. You can of course impose will on it, but you can only impose will one way.”
I had an idea of where this was going. After all, I already had a gift from one concept. “Blood.” I said. “It wants blood.”
“Yes, yes it does.” He whispered that, sounding both glorified and defeated. He quickly returned to his normal tone of voice however. “It does not need much, nor do you have to do it, but you can.”
I quietly moved the spear head closer to me, and looked at the tip of the spear. It was wicked sharp, and I pricked my left index finger on it. A small drop of blood weld out, and on the side of the spear head I smeared the small bit of blood. Immediately, the spear shrunk, and it looked closer to a knife. The spearhead was unchanged, but the shaft was about the width of my hand.
“I have one more gift, but it is more of a result of the weapon.” He handed me a sheath for the impossibly sharp blade, and I sheathed it. I tucked it into my belt next to my knife, then turned to him fully.
“Why does blood affect the spear like that?”
“Why does anything happen? I am the wrong one to ask that question, child.” He jokingly shooed me away. “Now shoo, go play.” And with that, he stood up and walked away without another word.

***

It was dark out, but I did not go to bed yet. My mother pulled me outside along with Kaeo. She would have to leave after this, and would be guided by Mister Sharp to her house. In the meantime, my mother had pulled us out to the back of the house where a branch of a tree stuck out of the ground. It was perhaps twice as tall as me, and my mother walked over to it.
“I want you to hold onto this, like I’m doing.” She held it with both hands, her left above the right. We copied her, and she smiled at us. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah!” Kaeo exclaimed, and I simply nodded.
My mother closed her eyes, and the branch started to shift. It was slow at first, but it sped up. Slowly, the top of the branch sprouted more branches, then leaves of a pale glowing white. Then, all of a sudden, the branch exploded.
Pale white lights floated everywhere, and the world seemed to still with the floating pale lights. It was like we were surrounded by stars, and out of the darkness came Madam Lie. She smiled at my mother, who smiled back and nodded. Madam Lie gently took Kaeos’ hand and my hand. Then, the wisps began to shift.
Around me, they formed pale figures, all of which danced. They sang, and laughed. Kaeo gasped, and I let go of Madam Lies’ hand.
It continued, Madam Lie in the center of it all. So I took Kaeos’ hand, and together we danced. I vividly remember her smiling face, but eventually it came to a close. She was in fact not escorted by Mister Sharp, but instead by Madam Lie.
I asked one question before they left to Madam Lie.
“Was it real?”
She smiled softly at me, and gave a reply so simple and true to her it made me shiver.
“Does it matter?”

***

I fell asleep in my bed, and woke up in a dream. I knew it would happen, but it was still… disorientating. It was like waking up in a hotel, but instead of remembering how you got there you were just lost. I stood up in a dome.
It was like standing in half a sphere, and too perfect to exist in the world I had just came from. The walls were pale greys and blues adorned with gold and inset with amethysts and rubies. There was a path out, which was made of loose cobblestones with water running in between them.
I checked my collar, and found no golden needle, nor did I have my knife or spear. That might end up being an issue. I disliked the lack of my stuff, it made me feel bare in a way I could not quite describe. I clenched my hand, and found I did have the ring that Kaeo gave me. I sighed, looked at the path, and found a newly materialized door. It had a knocker, and no handle.
I took one more look at the room, trying to check to make sure I was not missing anything. There was light, despite there being no light sources I could see. I had no shadow from what I could tell either.
Walking over to the wall, I tried pushing on. The wall did not budge, and I hummed to myself. Well, might as well push on more sections of the wall before trying the door. I wandered around the edge of the room, pushing on all the walls, and found that I was not getting tired. That likely did not bode well. If this was supposed to be hard, difficult to the point that most people did not do it, then the challenge must be one that required no physical exhaustion to be hard.
The walls lended no results, so I walked over to the door. I tried pushing on it too, but found no give in it either. I grabbed the knocker and used it to rap on the door three times. I waited a moment, then two, and nothing happened. I frowned, considering, and was about to try the knocker again when I felt words appear in my head.
Took you long enough.
It was surprising enough I jumped, whirling around and still finding nothing – no one? – in the room. I took a second to sill my rapidly beating heart, breathing in and out.
“Could I get a name, Mister Mysterious voice sir?” I asked, preparing myself for more words in my head.
A real name or a fake one?
“I suppose either would do, but I would prefer the real one.”
Alas, life is full of disappointments.
He didn’t even give me a name. Well, that was rather rude. I felt a growing dislike of whoever this was, and waited.
Do you want the challenge?
“I would, yes.”
You won’t see this one coming.
“Okay? I would like it nevertheless.” I felt laughter in my head.
Alas, life is full of disappointments.
Yeah, I definitely did not like this guy. I hummed to myself, and when he did not seem like he was going to say anything, I started to ask.
“You see, I have a questi-” I began, but got interrupted.
Do you now?
“Yes, I do. Do you deal with everyone who awakens?”
Good question.
“I’m guessing you won’t answer it?”
I do hear life is full of disappointments.
I sat down, back against the door and looked up at the domed roof. Clearly, there was an answer here. I absentmindedly took off the ring and started fiddling with it. Well, I might as well take a different approach.
“You know what I am.” This was not a question, and more of a hunch. A pause from the thing I was talking to, like it suddenly became much more wary.
Yes.
I smiled a small and quiet smile. “Let’s play a game. It’s called 20 questions, and I presume you know it. I’ll try to guess your name, ready to play?”
I do, and sure.
“Are you a concept?” The longest pause yet out of all of them, and I felt more of the things attention settle on me.
Yes.
“Are you a broad concept?”
Yes.
Well, that was likely good news. If the concept was too narrow, it would have likely been near impossible to guess. The next question was going to be harder. Perhaps what the concept applied to?
“Does the concept apply to everyone?”
Yes.
“Is the concept widely considered good?”
No.
“Is the concept widely considered bad?”
No.
Luck, maybe? That didn’t feel quite right. Realization?
“Do you help or hinder in games of chance?”
No.
Yeah, definitely not luck.
“Do you help people realize things?” The longest pause yet ensued.
Yes.
“Are you the concept of Realization?”
Yes.
“I see.” And I did. Somehow, naming this thing had let me see the room in a different light. Thousands and thousands of strings made up everything. When I looked at the strings, each one showed a concept. Sometimes many strings were bound together into one larger concept, and sometimes there were strings so thin they barely even existed to the object.
“That’s not the end, is it?”
No, it is not.
I walked over to the door, and carefully looked at it. Carefully, gently even, I pulled at the string of the door that tied to its concept of open and slowly the door opened. On the other side of the door was a bright sunshiny day, which forced me to protect my eyes with my hand.
My eyes quickly adjusted, and I saw sprawling green hills with the same little path of cobblestone and water that was in the dome. A few clouds peppered the sky as they lazily drifted along. I took a step out, enjoying the pleasant breeze on my skin. I started walking down the path, humming to myself.
I fiddled with the ring that was still on my finger, putting my other hand in my pocket. I did not have my cloak here, which made me feel oddly exposed. I heard birds chirping, although I never saw any. I was unsure whether that was a good sign or not, but I had not seen anyone else physically here but myself.
The path spiraled its way around a hill, which, eyeballing it, looked like the tallest hill in the area. It still was not very tall, but I thought it was all about comparison. This place made me feel at ease, which was a problem. I knew that something was going to happen that was supposedly so hard most people could not do it, and I could not bring myself to care in this place.
I reached the top of the hill with my slow meandering gate, and found two trees. In between them was a stone chair – perhaps more of a throne? – that looked like it had been carved into a rock that had once sat there. The grass around it was noticeably shorter than the surrounding grass, which I found odd as the stone throne looked smoothed away as if it had been there long enough for the rain to wear it down.
I started over to the throne to get a better look at it, but I heard someone coming up from the opposite side of the hill. It looked like there was another path on the opposite side of the hill from where I was, that one made of tiled stone bricks. I quickly and silently dashed over to one of the trees trying to stay out of sight. For the moment I was glad I was not wearing my cloak as I was pretty sure if I was wearing it the cloth would have trailed just long enough to let me be seen.
Whoever was on the other side of the tree seemed to be… glowing? What? I tried to trace the connection to concepts, but I had a hard time parsing what I was seeing. It was like trying to read based on the shape of the word without knowing any of the letters; you could parse it given enough time but not on the spot.
The light did make the other person easier to track, letting me match their pace around the tree to remain hidden. From where they were, it seemed like they were either next to or sitting on the throne. I paused, weighing my options, but froze when I heard the voice.
“I know you are there, please, come out.” The voice was perfect, like pure pleasure turned into a sound.
I considered running, but instead I walked back around the tree, and when I saw the figure on the throne I fell to the ground. It was too much, I couldn’t. I wanted to advert my gaze, to turn away, close my eyes, something, but all I could do was keep staring from the ground. The figure looked at me, and I could make out very little. They were pure white, from their hair to their clothes. The clothes were simple, something that anyone could wear, and their hair fell a bit below their shoulders, but that was all I could make out.
Effortlessly, the figure rose off their throne and walked over to me, like they were made of air. Standing over me, they offered me a hand up. I looked at it, as I felt like I could not even blank. Right there, in front of me, I knew what I saw. That must be the concept of perfection, looking down on me.
“If I take your hand, I’ll remember this, won’t I?” I whispered, feeling like anything more than that would be irreverent.
“Yes. I wish I could share the pain with you.” The voice sounded truly sorrowful. I believed in that moment that if this figure could remove all pain in the world they could.
“And I can only do magic if I take your hand.” I said, so quiet even I barely heard it. I got nothing in response, the figure waiting.
Could I do this? As much as it hurt to be in the presence of perfection, it felt good. I could feel my imperfections being torn at, and I knew who I could be. But I also knew I could not be that person. I could reach towards it forever, but true perfection was always out of reach. Could I live knowing that I would never truly be the best version of myself? Knowing whatever I did I would be a mere fraction of what I saw? I would be nothing, less than nothing.
I could not tell you how long I laid there, staring at the figure as a gentle breeze playfully flowed around us. All I could tell you is that I eventually took that hand, and felt a smile turned on me. It felt amazing, and I was told one more thing.
“There is a story of a boy with too much rope. Listen to it.”
And just like that it was ripped away from me as I woke up gasping and in a cold sweat. Madam Lie stood next to my bed, looking worried. My mind felt sore, and so did my body. And yet… I closed my eyes and opened a new pair. I stared blankly at the ceiling for a long time. I was told I had woken up one minute after midnight, and I was not sure I gave any acknowledgement I heard.
I forced myself to get up, and get ready. After all, today was Kaeo’s birthday.

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